Fire, Hot Mount Manganui!!!
the van to get ready to go to
the amazing, hot, sunny Mount manganui. “is that everything?” dad
askes. “yes, now LET’S go!” I say. everyone piles into the van, dad at the
wheel, me in the middle and mum as the passenger. once we got to the beach the
first thing we did was unpack the van. once we finished i went to see my
friends. we hung out for a bit. my friends and i were doing a shop. we do this
shop every year. we did the shop for about 2 minutes, AND THEN we just hung out
in my caravan. after about 2-3 minutes mum, dad and i had to go for a walk to
get some tea. after tea mum, dad and i went to see our friends for a drink.
after we had a drink we went back to our It was a hot, sunny summers day when
my mum, dad and i were loading caravan to go to bed.
“who’s ready for a day of
FUN?” i shout out to my friends Chantelleand ava. the very first thing we did
was… play baseball on the beach. it was very, very hard to run on the sand.
After we had finished playing baseball we did the shop with my ther friend
Harper. we did the shop untill lunch time. afetr lunch mum, dad and i went far
a walk up town. when we came back i rode around the camp-ground on my scooter
untill tea.
it was a stormy, windy
christmas day and we drove to omokoroa with my brother-Ethan, ethans
girlfriend-melissa, mum, dad and i. once we got up to my nana and grandpas
house we found out that everyone had allready opened their present ecxept the
ones we gave them. after we had opened our presents the parents went and got
tea ready while the kids played. after tea and desert mum, dad, ethan, melissa
and i decided to go home with a truck load of presents in the boot.
“horay, IT’S new years eve!” i
shout out. its freezing cold OUT-SIDE but whos to say that no-one can go
out-side to play. chantelle and i mostley played on our scooters for that day.
once the night came, the sun was emerging down and the moon was emerging up it
became colder and colder. chantelles mum, chantelle, my mum and i sat snuggled
up in blankets on the edge of the grasss and watched as the fireworks lite up
the starry night. once they were done we started to walk back to our caravan to
go to bed.
“happy new years day!” i shout
out. it’s a sunny yet cold day. at 7am that morning mum and dad went down to
the beach to see how many people were asleep down on the beach. there was a guy
that had a wizard hat on, he rolled onto his side and his hat came off but he
put it back on again in his sleep. today i just hung around mum and dad in the
caravan because it was raining out-side.
By Bianca.
Well done Bianca. This is a lively story. I enjoyed it especially because our climate was very different at Christmas and it is interesting to see how other people live.
ReplyDeleteTo start with I liked the beginning where 'EVERYONE PILES INTO THE VAN, DAD AT THE WHEEL, ME IN THE MIDDLE AND MUM AS THE PASSENGER'.That is so well described I can see it as if I was looking at a photograph. Your use of interesting verbs like 'PILES' is excellent also.
I really liked your use of adjectives, for example THE AMAZING, HOT, SUNNY MOUNT MANGANUI. ...A HOT, SUNNY SUMMERS DAY ...A STORMY, WINDY CHRISTMAS DAY
You really got your personality across with sentences like 'ITS FREEZING COLD OUT-SIDE BUT WHOS TO SAY THAT NO-ONE CAN GO OUT-SIDE TO PLAY?'
Popping a question into your story like that gave it variety and made it even more interesting to read.
I felt you really got into the swing of writing by the time you wrote:
'THE SUN WAS EMERGING DOWN AND THE MOON WAS EMERGING UP IT BECAME COLDER AND COLDER. CHANTELLES MUM, CHANTELLE, MY MUM AND I SAT SNUGGLED UP IN BLANKETS ON THE EDGE OF THE GRASSS AND WATCHED AS THE FIREWORKS LITE UP THE STARRY NIGHT'.
You were like some one who had gone for a run and by the time you got to this point you were really 'in the zone'. Once again I can see the picture in my head and I love your use of the verbs 'EMERGING' and 'SNUGGLED' and your description of exactly where you were ('THE EDGE OF THE GRASS') and the night sky ('STARRY').
Well done Bianca!
Hello Merry,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for my comment that you left me. Your comment is very long but descriptive. Its probley the BEST comment Ive ever had from someone about my recounts. I got all my descriptive words from my old teacher ecause he allways mad my class do descriptive things.
A big huge THANK YOU once again for your comment you left me I love it so much.
From Bianca Room 5 Melille Intermediate Hamilton New Zealand.